


Never Let Go

by EnchantressofAsgard



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, British Actor RPF, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Making Up, Sex, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2374544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantressofAsgard/pseuds/EnchantressofAsgard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You always said you cannot lose something you never let go of..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Took me along time to write this. Un-edited excuse my mistakes I will edit it tomorrow! Enjoy :)

He sat on the big brown leather sofa his right arm resting on top of the arm rest while his blue eyes bore holes to the glass his fingers were wrapped around.

His white button-up was un-buttoned hanging loose to his sides his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He brought the glass to his lips and swallowed the brown liquid feeling it burn his throat.

For the first time in his whole life he felt helpless, for the first time he didn’t know what to do. He was losing her; the person he loved most in the world. All he could do was sit here and listen to the sound of the drawers opening and closing as she packed her things.

There hadn’t been a fight, she didn’t yell or cuss at him. She was quiet and calm; frankly he would have preferred her screaming at him instead of the silence that had taken over the place as soon as he got home.

He leaned forward grabbing the bottle that was now half-filled with whiskey and opened it getting ready to re-fill his glass when he heard her footsteps approaching. He didn’t move, he couldn’t dare to look at her, to see her leaving their house and his life all at once.

“Ben?” he heard her gentle voice calling him, when he didn’t gave her an answer she continued.

“I packed everything, I think.” She cleared her throat trying to stop the tears she had manage to stop not five minutes ago

“Okay” Ben nodded his head still turned away from her

“I’m gonna go now” he nodded again leaving the bottle back on the table

“I don’t even deserve a glance?” her voice broke tears gathering in her amber eyes while she stood still waiting for him to at least say something “Ben! Will you at least look at me?”

“I can’t” came his pained answer and his placed his elbows on his knees his hands covering his watery eyes “I can’t watch you leave…”

“Please…” she begged “Ben please just look at me. I don’t want leave like this”

Ben finally removed his hands from his eyes and turned to look at Liz. It broke his heart seeing her like this but what he didn’t know was that it broke her heart all the same seeing him this way.

“Do you need help with your bags?” he asked standing up and walking towards her

“No” she shook her head “Hayley is on her way to pick me up. I’m going to stay with her for a while”

Liz was now the one who focused her gaze on the ground unable to look into his eyes now that he was this close to her.

“You always said” Ben placed his hand on her cheek making her look at him and she couldn’t help but lean into his warm hand.

“You always said” he repeated himself “you cannot lose something you never let go of and I let you go so many times Lizzie”

She saw a tear escaping his eye and she placed her hand on top of his as her own tears started to fall.

“Please to talk like that. It’s not your fault Ben.”

“It is though, I left you alone. I was so into work I…” he shook his head feeling aggravated with himself “How did I do it? How did I neglect you?”

“The one thing I wanted most in the world” he was now holding her face between both his hands a bittersweet smile on his face “The one person that means the world to me and I let her go! How? How could I have done this?”

“Stop. Please stop” her voice came out weak

Tears kept running down his face, he was unable to stop them and once Liz looked at him she started sobbing. Moments later she found herself in his arms which only made her cry harder.

He was holding her as closer to his as he could his head buried in the crook of her neck while she was clutching his shirt with her hands. The side of her face was against his bare chest and she was sure she could feel his heart racing.

It wasn’t but a minute later that her phone rang meaning Hayley was here to pick her up.

“I have to go” she pulled back reluctantly and Ben nodded wiping at his eyes.

Her hand was on the doorknob when he spoke again thinking he had one last chance to tell her how much he meant to him. It wouldn’t change anything but he wanted her to know, he wanted her to know how much he would always love her no matter what.

“Lizzie I lo-“

“Don’t. Don’t say it”

“I do Liz” he said almost defeated

“I know Ben, and I do too.” She opened the door “Goodbye”

She was out of the door before he had the chance to say anything else. He sat back down to his previous spot and drank silently crying to himself for letting her go.

***

About three weeks later Liz found herself in a pub along with Hayley her boyfriend and two of their friends. Hayley had all but dragged her out of the house and now she was sitting here a drink in her hand completely silent.

She wasn’t in the mood to go out so it was only a consequence to not be in the mood for conversation all she wanted to do was go back home and crawl under the covers of her bed. The thing was that she didn’t want to go back to her best friend’s house, no, she wanted to go back home where Ben was.

She was brought back to reality when she felt an elbow nudging her side and she turned finding her best friend looking at her as if she was expecting an answer to something.

“I’m sorry what?”

“I said do you need another drink? John’s going to get another round”

“Yes please” she said once she saw that her glass was empty

“Are you okay?” Hayley asked her after a minute

“No” Liz shook her head “maybe I should just leave”

“Stay and have another drink” her friend pleaded “and if you’re still not feeling up to it you can leave”

John came back with their drinks and handed Liz hers going back to his sit next to Hayley. Liz tried really hard to make conversation but without wanting to her mind would drift elsewhere.

She was halfway thought taking a small sip from her drink when the door opened and she came face to face with three familiar faces Tom, James and Michael.

“No, no, no. Please don’t” she silently pleaded knowing that if those three were here Ben was close too.

Her prayers were not answered because not one minute later the door opened and Benedict came in joining the rest of the guys to what seemed looking for a booth to sit.

“Did you know about this?” she suddenly turned to Hayley

“Know about what?” Liz pointed to the guys and Hayley’s eye widened “Oh wow! No, I swear I had no idea”

“Why did he have to come here?” she buried her face between her knees her hands gripping her calves.

“Look the place is packed the might not even find a place to sit okay? Calm down” she said rubbing her back “Oh”

Liz raised her head and looked to where Hayley was to see the people from the booth next to theirs leaving and then saw as Tom pointed there and they all started walking to the same direction.

“Shit!” she exclaimed wanting the ground to open and swallow her whole

“Maybe they won’t see us?”

“What are the chances of that happening?” she briefly got a glance of Ben removing his coat revealing a blue button-up.

_Not blue, why did he have to wear blue?_  Just as the thought came to her mind she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey Liz” Tom smiled down at her and she stood up to properly greet him

“Hey Tom” her voice was small and muffled from his shoulder as he hugged her

“You alright?” he asked concerned pulling her at arm’s length

“Would you believe me if I said I’m fine?”

“As much as I believe him” he pointed with his eyes to Ben and Liz did everything she could to not look at him

James and Michael came to greet her as well before they went back to their table and she tried to forget they were sited next to the table she was sitting at.

She could feel his eyes burning wholes to the side of her head and after a while she couldn’t help but turn her head their eyes locking if only for a moment.

Somehow Hayley had convinced her to stay for one more drink and Liz was doing her best to keep herself together and not break down in front of everyone.

She took small sips of her drink trying to make it last as long as she could because on one hand she wanted to leave, but on the other this right now was the place she could be as close to Ben as possible.

Ben too tried to focus on what his friends were saying but all he could do was look at Liz. He hadn’t seen her in three weeks and it felt like forever; he had missed her more than anything and now he somehow understood how she felt living alone in their house. It felt like it was empty without her there.

He wanted to go to her and kiss her but, what good would that do. He wanted to talk to her at least be near her for minute to look into her eyes, to listen to her voice.

James asking him something brought him back to reality and he shook his head excusing himself to go to the bathroom. Just as he was coming back the music changed to a song that sounded familiar to him but couldn’t remember where and when he had listen to it.

Liz’s body tensed as soon as she heard the first notes of the song playing. She wanted to leave right now or else she was going to break down in front of everyone. She doubted if Ben remembered it, she had randomly listen to it and she simply loved but right now it was breaking her heart.

_“I found you_

_In the dark”_

“Liz are you okay?” Hayley asked placing her hand on top of Liz’s that where now trembling

Liz simply shook her head trying not to let her tears fall. She reached for her bag strangling to open it and hastily laced her things inside.

“I need to leave” her eyes where filled with tears

“Okay yes…let me just”

_“I dreamed of you_

_In the dark_

_You spoke to me_

_From afar_

_What you mean to me_

_Is clear_

_And I'll always be near”_

“No! No! I need to leave now” she got up quickly gathering her coat and almost causing her chair to fall back from the force.

The commotion cause the table next to her to look their way and Tom who worried to ask if everything was alright.

“Yes fine” she did the mistake to look at him and her gaze snapped to Bens

Once he looked at her it was like recognition came all over his face, his blue eyes widening, his lips slightly parting.

_“Don't leave me_

_Here_

_Don't leave me”_

She hurriedly put on her coat and without another word she all but ran out of the place feeling the cold air hitting her face once she was out. She leaned against the wall taking deep breaths to calm herself down her nails digging to the scarf she had forgot to put on.

A minute later the door opened and Benedict came out a sigh of relief leaving his lips once he spotted her.

“Liz” he stepped closer to her

“Don’t” she raised her hand shaking her head “I just want to go home”

“Let me find you a cab then” he offered hoping to spend even five more minutes with her

“It’s fine…Hayley’s place is close enough I’ll walk”

Liz moved away from him and started walking towards the direction of her friend’s house. She heard footsteps coming from behind her and she turned only to confirm that it was Ben.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m walking you home” he shrugged his shoulders

“Why?” she asked shivering from the cold

“Because it’s late Liz. We’re broken up we’re not arch enemies” he raised his voice as if trying to make a point “I’m not gonna let you go back by yourself and risking you getting hurt. Now talk to me don’t talk to me I’m gonna walk you home”

His eyes bore into hers expecting an answer and she only nodded as they fell into step next to each other. They walked without talking and as they entered a park’ Liz went to put her forgotten scarf around her neck only for the wind to take it and get it tuck on a branch.

“Shit!” she exclaimed and Ben looked to where her scarf was now stuck

“I can get it” Liz when to stop him but he was already running towards the tree

“Ben no, you could fall over” she ran trying to reach him “It’s just a stupid scarf”

“It’s not that high” he started climbing up and Liz was looking up at him her heart thumbing against her chest

It was not that high indeed but Liz couldn’t help but worry looking at every move that Ben made.

It happened before she even realized what was going on, she just heard a yell and then all she knew he was lying on the grass.

“Oh my God” she ran to him “Ben are you alright?” Liz placed her hand on his cheek “Benedict!”

“Oh!” he groaned “I’m fine”

“You fool…I told you this would happen” she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding

“Really I’m fine, and here I got your scarf” his eyes opened as he placed the scarf around her neck

His hands didn’t leave the edges of it and captivated as she was from his eyes she didn’t realize that he was pulling her face closer to his.

Ben’s lips touched hers but as soon as it happened it was over since Liz pulled back and stood up faster than he could comprehend.

“Ben we can’t” she backed away when he stood up too

“Liz” he tried to plead

“No, I’m sorry”

***

It was a little after noon when Ben’s phone rang the next day pulling him out of his sleep. He wasn’t able to sleep after what had happened with Liz and he was sure that by the time he did fall asleep the sun was rising.

His eyes still closed Ben felt for his phone on the nightstand and brought it to his ear not bothering to check who it might was.

“Hello?” he mumbled sleepily

“Ben?” his eyes snapped open upon hearing her whimpering voice

“Liz? What happened, are you okay?” he sat up on the bed

“No…I fell in the shower and I think I dislocated my shoulder” she sniffled “I’m sorry Ben I didn’t know who to call Hayley is at work and not picking up and so is John…”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m on my way” he said already in search of clothes

“Thank you. There’s a spare key under the door mat”

“Alright, I’ll be there as soon as possible”

Ben got ready for the first time in his life in under five minutes and was out of the door in a flash. He checked his watch as he stopped at a red light thankful that Hayley’s house wasn’t far.

When he finally reached the house he parked the car before getting out locking it and walking towards the front door. He found the spare key and opened the front door searching for any sign of Liz.

“Liz?”

“In here” came her voice for what he remembered to be the guest room

Once outside he knocked just to be sure that she was in there and she told him to come in. Ben opened the door finding her sitting on the bed holding her left arm with her right one a towel somehow covering her body.

“I couldn’t get dressed” she looked down at her body embarrassed

“Its fine no need to be embarrassed. Let me get you some clothes.” He turned opening the drawers of the dressed in search for clothes.

“Are these ok?”  He showed her the clothes he had picked, a long sleeved shirt with a pair of jeans

“I’m gonna need undergarments too”

“Oh, right yes” he turned and realized he didn’t know in which drawer to search when he heard her small voice telling him to open the second one.

He helped her get dressed trying to keep his emotions in check. It had been a long time since he was so close to her but Liz was too doing the same even the faint touch of his fingers as he helped her get dressed woke up feelings she had tried to buried since they broke up.

The ride to the hospital was thankfully short as the pain was once increasing by the second and Liz was trying really hard not to cry. She could see Benedict glancing at her but she couldn’t speak due to the pain.

Upon reaching the hospital Ben got out first and went to the passenger side to help Liz out of her seat.

Surprisingly they didn’t have to wait long before they took Liz in to examine her arm. She came back almost 45 minutes later along with a nurse and he notice the splint holding her left arm in place.

“It was just a dislocated shoulder no signs of concussion” the nurse said to him when he stood up and walked over to them “She can take the splint out in a few hours and also keep an eye on her for the next few hours the drugs we gave her for the pain might make her a little dizzy”

“Alright, thank you” the nurse nodded before leaving

“You okay?” he asked Liz who seemed like she was trying not to laugh

“Yes” she answered falling in step beside him as the exited the hospital

“What?” he asked when she suddenly started laughing, that would be the drugs

“The nurse said the drugs might make me a little dizzy” Ben looked at her waiting for an explanation “I’m dizzy Lizzy” she laughed harder now and Ben couldn’t help but chuckle himself

“Come on dizzy Lizzy let’s get you home” he said opening the car door for her and making sure her seatbelt was on before moving to the other side

“Are we going home now?” she asked once she stopped laughing

“Yes I called Hayley she is waiting back at her place” he explained to her

“No I wanna go home” she whined

“I am taking you home” he stopped at a red light and turned to look at her

“Not Hayley’s I wanna go to our home” she stared at him like a child begging its mother for a cookie

“Liz…” he sighed

“Promise me we will go to our home or else I’m getting out of the car” she placed her hand on the door handle

“No, fine we’ll go back to our house. I will text Hayley to let her know”

“Thank you” she settled back to her seat staring out of the window

Ben texted Hayley letting her know that they would be going back to their house upon Liz’s request which he was pretty sure she wouldn’t remember in a few hours.

Liz leaned on Ben as they walked towards the front door mumbling nonsense feeling really tired all of a sudden.  Ben had his arm wrapped around her to steady her noticing how tired she was, truth to be told he was feeling pretty tired himself.

“Ben” she mumbled burying her face into his shoulder “I want to go to sleep”

“Of course, yes”

He helped her to the bedroom and once in there she sat on the bed looking at him like a lost puppy.

“Can you get me a hoodie to sleep in? I’m cold” Liz asked him and he smiled moving to find a hoodie to give her

“Will you lay down with me? Please?” Liz asked again just as he was helping her get undressed and put on the hoodie

He couldn’t say no even if he wanted to so after he made sure she was in bed he got rid of his own clothes pulling on a pair of pajama pants before crawling under the covers.

Liz moved so her back was resting against his chest and pulled the covers tighter around her body forgetting the splint that was covering her arm. Ben placed his arm around her careful not to hurt her arm.

“’Night Ben” her eyes were closed when she spoke

“’Night Liz” he kissed the top of her head and fell asleep feeling content now that she was next to him.

***

A few hours later Ben was awoken by the feeling of being watched. He opened his eyes and saw Liz looking at him her arms folded on his bare torso her head resting on top of them.

“Liz?” he asked rubbing his eyes “What time is it?” he looked at the clock that was positioned on the wall only to see that he had been asleep for no longer than two hours.

“Hey” she smiled a playful smile on her lips

“How’s your arm? Why did you remove the splint?” he touched her arm gently looking at her with concern

“Its fine the doctor say that I could remove it after a few hours plus it doesn’t hurt anymore” she shrugged

“Still, you should have left it on for a few more hours” he insisted

“My arm is fine Benedict” she unfolded her arms placing her left arm on his crotch to rub him “see…its fine”

“Liz…what are you” he let out a breathless moan

“I’m just showing you that my arm is fine” she continued her actions leaning down to bite his earlobe “I say it works just fine” she whispered into his ear sending shivers throughout his whole body

“Liz” he managed to grab her hand “I think you’re still a little dizzy from the drugs”

“I was never dizzy from the drugs they gave me” she pulled back waiting for his reaction

“What? You lied? Why?” he leaned on his elbow to look at her “Did you even fall in the shower?” he didn’t know if he should be angry at her or not

“I did and they did give me something for the pain…I just” she looked down at her hands “I told the nurse to tell you I might be dizzy and stuff because…”

“Because what?” Ben said his voice gentle and he leaned forward laying his palm on her cheek

“Because I can’t live without you” she blurred out looking at him for a brief moment before her gaze broke away from him and focused on the wall.

Ben could feel a small smile forming on his lips at her confession, still he didn’t speak seeing that she had more to say.

“I’m so stupid” Liz shook her head “It was true that I fell and no one would pick up the phone and” she took a deep breath as if to stop herself from crying

“You foolish girl…you did that just to get here?” Liz only nodded turning her head slowly to face him

“I’m sorry Ben…I understand if you do-“

She was stopped by his lips smashing onto hers and she responded to the kiss with the same desperate way he was. It was obvious to the both of them that they had missed one another more than they had imagined.

Ben turned his body making Liz to lay on the bed with him on top of her as they continue to kiss each other his tongue entering her mouth to tangle with hers. Liz wrapped her arms around his neck playing with the ends of his hair and he broke the kiss only to start kissing her neck.

“Ben…” she moaned when he bit her neck his tongue darting out to sooth the pain

“I missed you” he said right before nipping her earlobe

“I missed you too” she cupped his cheeks pulling his head up so she could look in his eyes

He smiled and she couldn’t help but do the same pressing her lips to his gently. Ben kissed her back this time their kiss into something more sensual both expressing their feelings to each other.

Ben placed his hands on her bare thighs running his hands over her smooth skin. Liz moved her hands and started trying to take off the hoodie she was wearing only to groan when she couldn’t do it.

“What are you even trying to do?” Ben laughed when he saw her struggling

“I’m trying to get this stupid thing off” she managed to take it off and toss it to the ground leaving her in just her panties “Shit its cold”

Liz exclaimed and she looked up at Ben when she noticed that he had stayed silent. He was looking at her as if trying to memorize her and for some reason she found herself unable to move.

“God you’re so beautiful” he claimed her lips once again one of his hands cupping her breast.

“Ben…Ben” she tried to pull him back

“Mmm” he tagged at her bottom lip

“Let’s get under the covers its cold” he nodded “but before we do that, we must the rid of these” she pushed his pajama bottoms as far as she could

Giving her a wicked smile Ben got up from the bed and undressed himself from his bottoms and boxers before crawling back up to bed.

“And you of these” he pushed her panties down her legs leaving small kisses to her skin as he went

Once they were both rid of their clothes he pulled the covers over them his lips wrapping around one of her nipples. His other hand trailed down and she tagged on his hair when his fingers trailed up and down her slit noticing how wet she was.

“Is this all for me” Ben asked her his mouth moving to claim her other nipple

“Yes she moaned” her leg wrapping around his thigh

Her nails dug into his shoulders when he slipped one of his fingers inside of her slowly moving it in and out. His lips left her breast and connected with hers feeling her moan against his lips.

“Ben, I want you…now” she kissed his neck nipping at the soft skin behind his ear

“Me too” he moaned once her hand came in contact with his hard length

Ben grabbed her hand stopping her movements and reached to the drawer on his night stand to grab a condom. Once he had put it on he nodded at Liz and slowly slid inside her both of them moaning at the sensation.

He stood still for a minute as they looked into each other’s eyes, their eyes saying words that they couldn’t express.

Liz reached with her fingers and brushed some hair away from his forehead smiling softly up at him. Ben couldn’t help but smile back bringing his lips down to hers as he started moving inside of her.

He moved slowly at first both enjoying the feeling of being so close together after what seemed like years to them. Liz wrapped her legs around his waist her arms around his shoulders wanting to feel him as close to her as she could.

She started matching his movements rolling her hips in the shame rhythm as him and after a while she asked him to go deeper finding herself coming closer to her release.

Ben had his hands on her hips as he started moving harder and deeper leaning down to kiss the valley of her breasts. He felt himself closer to his orgasm and he reached one of his hands and started stroking her clit.

It wasn’t long before she came moaning his name and he followed a few minutes later collapsing on top of her his head on top of her chest.

“Ben?” she asked after a while of lying there wrapped in each other’s arms

“Hmm…yeah I’m getting up” he said thinking that he was crashing her with his weight

“I don’t want you to move” Liz smiled kissing the top of his head

“Then what?” he raised his head to look at her

“I was just…” she stocked the side of his face with her hand “What happens now?”

“I thought you wanted to get back together” Ben leaned on his elbows

“I still do. I just mean how are we going to work things out?”

“Can we talk about that in the morning? Please”

Liz looked into his eyes and he seemed like he didn’t have the power to do anything right now so she nodded her head leaving him to fall asleep on top of her, her hands stroking his hair.

***

In the morning Liz woke up alone in bed and knowing that ben was probably downstairs drinking coffee she pulled the hoodie she was wearing yesterday on and made her way to the kitchen.

She found him on the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him scrolling through his phone. He was shirtless with only a pair of sweatpants on and he didn’t notice her until she sat down on his lap turning her body to face him.

“Hey” she cupped his face between her hands giving him a deep kiss to which he responded immediately

“Hey” he said breathless his forehead resting against hers

Ben left his phone on the table bringing her closer to him and kissing her a few more times before finally pulling back.

“I know that look” he said seeing how she was looking at him

“I hate to do this but we really do need to talk”

“You’re right” he nodded “Look I need to be in New York by the end of the week” he sighed and watched as her eyes dropped to the ground her hand leaving the side of his neck

“What? Ben I thought-“his finger on her lips made her stop talking

“It’s only for two weeks and I was thinking that you can come with me. I wasn’t gonna leave but we broke up and I thought a little time away might do me good but after that I’m with you for the next four months…Please Liz”

“Ben I love you, I really do” she placed her hand on his cheek “and I’m sorry for breaking up with you…I know I hurt you more than I did myself” he was holding his breath waiting for her answer fearing the worst “but I know now that we both need to make sacrifices for this to work so I’m gonna come with you to New York”

“You scared me for a minute” he smiled “I had hurt you first by not being here maybe we both needed that break…I know it wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t come with me but we’re gonna take this one step at a time yeah? I’ll come visit as soon as I can and-“her lips on his stopped him for talking

“Shh…” Liz said once she pulled back “everything is gonna be alright…now we know” she took her hand in his bringing it to her lips “I love you” she hugged him resting her head on his shoulder feeling his arms wrapping around her

“I love you too” he murmured next to her ear “dizzy Lizzy” he chuckled

“Jerk” she laughed shaking her head


End file.
